i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
