I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
