I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
