I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
