I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
