I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
