He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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