I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
