I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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