I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
babies were throwing up all over the place
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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