Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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