Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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