this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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