you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
