I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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