K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I am puke
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
