She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
