I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He did a backflip because drugs
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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