Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
True college students do jello shots in the library
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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