I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
