can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
