If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize