He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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