i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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