Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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