Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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