He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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