just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
