I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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