**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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