And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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