I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize