i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
