I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize