Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
