you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize