Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
