He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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