so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
