Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
