you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
