This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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