Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
