Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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