i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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