My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
