By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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