i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
