apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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