Betty ford says i'm here all night
he puts the penis in happiness.
high people should be assigned attendants
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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