You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
