Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
