i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My vagina just recognized that song.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
