Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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