I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
