You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
why is half of my head shaved?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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