hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
this hospital has no fireball
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
