No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
