There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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