hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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