I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize