A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
did you just send me my own nude
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
