Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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