Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
