is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
