She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
