Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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