Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
