found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
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You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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