I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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