He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She needs sedatives and a leash
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
