she woke up with a sticky ear
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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