you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
