So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize