The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
