I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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