I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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