she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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