Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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