im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
