it wasn't lemon gatorade
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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