i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
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