I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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