How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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