flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
