Non-Jews are for practice
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
