oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
