while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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