Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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