quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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