I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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