So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
