I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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