I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
