the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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