I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
