I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
