just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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