What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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