"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
