i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Farmville is her only friend.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize