fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
